Reality of Life

Life was rare. Life was precious. Life was unexpected. The day you lose hope and happiness is the day your life is no longer valued as it should be. These past few days taught me that. Running through fields filled with towering corn was a new hobby of mine; a way of feeling happy whilst also being alone, whilst being misunderstood, whilst being deserted. Sunny days brought back the good times, the days of hope and friendship, the days where we would gallop across the glittering meadows, catching butterflies and climbing trees, but with them came the bad times too. Best left in the past.

As a child I mostly spent my time with Matthew, the invisible boy. I would be Princess Aurora and he would be Jim Hawkins. He would be Jack Frost and I would be Elsa. Whilst we were off fighting the dragons that threatened our kingdom with lava and fire storms, everyone else would paint their nails and buy make up. Our tasks would always be successful and we would always be welcomed back as heroes, until the tragic day that the battle was too great. Our entire kingdom fell. Mum said it was just my imagination. There never was a kingdom, and so it's nothing to worry about. But I know the truth. I failed them, I failed Matthew, and I never got to say sorry.

Through primary school and middle school I was alone. Break times would be spent in the library reading, or in the orchard alone. Anywhere that people couldn't find me. Loneliness was my best friend, and although I was with people during lessons, it was just as lonely. Then one day we had a new student, Brendon, a guy who looked just as lonely as me. At first he annoyed the hell out of me. Always texting me and assuming we were the best of friends... Then one day we just were. I would text him as much as he would text me, and I looked forward to seeing him, he actually cared. He would come over and we would watch Avatar and listen to music like Obviously and Teenage Dirtbag, laughing about the kids at school, the politicians on TV, the bands who didn't get what music truly was, like Gangnam Style and Uptown Funk – how do they class as music? Where's the soul and depth of them? Where's their true, hidden meaning? He was my best and only friend. Knowing all of my secrets and all of my deepest dreams, he was the friend I had needed, and he helped me through a lot. Stories would be told about our social deprivation, about how we're not cool enough to fit in with those orange people. That is, until he became cool. Then the stories would be told about my social deprivation, about how I'm not cool enough to fit in with those orange people, to fit in with him.

There was this girl, Katrina Mellis. Gorgeous golden hair flowed from her head as if she was a movie star, she had eyes that shined like she was some princess, the bluest blue, and he had a crush on her. Every guy did. Even the girls wanted to be like her, and sometimes they tried too hard. That's how all the rumours started, everyone would spread the words she spoke, so that she would like them, so that she would let them into her world. It never worked though. Unless she gained something from it. Money, popularity, clothes, she was happy with anything like that. As long as it classed as beneficial.

And last summer, for some reason, she decided that the fifteen year old mophead who dressed like a skater boy would be beneficial to her. She changed him. Adopting the ways of the cool kids, my Brendon abandoned me, left me for dead. Occasionally I would get the odd 'hey, u ok?' text from him, or the random insults from when Katrina got hold of his phone, a flirtatious game they liked to play; who can get the phone. Huh, that used to be our thing. Moments with him used to be the times that I felt alive. My very soul would sparkle like a firework, dancing around the moonlit night. Now it's like the sky.

Empty.

Years of being alone should have predicted that company was not welcome in my life, and that no matter how hard I tried, fate wanted me alone. Acceptance was my only option. Brendon was a great guy, and he did grow up to be very hot. Mountains of mop hair had been styled like that of the 2015 Dougie Poynter, green eyes shone with all the love and hope of his future plans, like an emerald lit up in the light of the sun. Becoming every teenage girls dream guy, he even made it to the hottest guy status for the Year 11's Leavers Book. I guess Katrina saw his potential. Saw exactly what he could become if she worked her magic. Either way, he abandoned me and everything we lived for, and threw who he was away for some girl. I'll never understand it. They were together for a long time though: he would put up with her and she would use him, for money, for company, for everything. I don't know how he did it. Rumours went around about the kind of things they got up to, the amount of times he kissed her, the charming things he would say, and I'm not going to lie, I was jealous. Memories of the things he used to say to me, before we were friends, when he wanted to win me over swallowed me, I guess I must've liked it. I guess I must've liked him.

But now it's too late.

These days, Katrina floats around Jason, the school's footballer. Didn't take her long to get over Brendon. Cuddling myself I stared through the blurred window of my tears at the pictures of me and him. Glancing through scrapbook pages full of the days we'd spent together, the inside jokes we'd shared and the world as we saw it then, I began to get ready. Carefully putting the irreplaceable memories of my only friend aside, I looked in the mirror. Fashion was less important now than it ever had been, but mum said I had to look nice. Brendon would have wanted me to look nice. As I left the room I quickly grabbed the orchids and lilies and ran out to the car. I was going to be late to his funeral.